Santa Rosa's Sandman: Ascend Hotel's Magical Christmas Escape!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into the glittery, slightly wonky, and hopefully utterly charming world of Santa Rosa's Sandman: Ascend Hotel's "Magical Christmas Escape!" This isn't your sanitized, cookie-cutter review. We're getting real up in here.
First off, the name. "Magical Christmas Escape!" Ooooh, that’s a lofty promise, Sandman. Let’s see if you can actually deliver.
The Big Picture (and the Parking Lot):
Right, so, Accessibility – super important. The website says facilities for disabled guests are available. That's good. I'm hoping they go beyond just saying it. The Elevator is gonna be your best friend, and from what I could see online, it looks like its there, and working, good. Car park [free of charge] - Praise be! Parking in Santa Rosa can be a nightmare, especially at Christmas. The website also mentions Car park [on-site], but let’s hope there’s enough actual space for everyone's sleighs (aka cars). Airport transfer – good for travelers. Taxi service too. And I saw pictures showing Exterior corridor so getting around should be easy.
Arrival and First Impressions (or, The Great Front Desk Debacle):
Okay, so let's say you arrive – and I pray the Front desk [24-hour] is actually staffed because I've been burned before. The Check-in/out [express] could be a godsend if you're stressed. They list Contactless check-in/out which is a solid move considering the current world. Now, if you're lucky and want a more personalized experience, their is Check-in/out [private]. (Please, I need that after driving all day!) The Concierge is another must have, at least they better be able. And here's hoping your car doesn't get a flat tire, and you have to use the Valet parking since you'd be too tired.
The Room: My Fortress of Solitude (Maybe):
Look, the "Magical Christmas Escape!" better translate into a cozy haven. They list a ton of room features, which is a good start.
- Air conditioning - Essential. Absolutely.
- Free Wi-Fi - Check. No one likes a hotel that nickel-and-dimes you for internet.
- Air conditioning - Another Check
- Blackout curtains - Necessary for any escape, especially if you're trying to sleep after Christmas feasting.
- Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea - YES! I need caffeine ASAP in the morning.
- Desk, Laptop workspace - For those of us forced to work (I'm looking at you, boss).
- Extra long bed - Thank the heavens. Because I’m tall.
- Hair dryer - A lifesaver.
- In-room safe box - Always a good idea.
- Internet access – wireless - Check – again.
- Linens, Towels - Please, be clean.
- Mini bar - Because you deserve it.
- Non-smoking - A must.
- Private bathroom, Separate shower/bathtub - Okay, this is a serious upgrade.
- Reading light, Socket near the bed - Very practical.
- Soundproofing - Please. Please.
- Toiletries - So you don't have to raid the travel-sized aisle at the grocery store.
- Wake-up service - I can never wake up myself.
- Window that opens - Some fresh air will be much appreciated.
- Additional toilet - More of a good thing!!
- Alarm clock - You need to wake up whether you like it or not.
- Alarm clock - It will be Christmas at some point!
- Bathroom phone - This seems.. random.
- Bathrobes - A little luxury goes a long way.
- Carpeting - Depends. If it’s clean, I’m good with it.
- Closet, Ironing facilities - You look sharp, even on vacation.
- In-room safe box - Gotta secure the treasures.
- Ironing facilities - Necessary.
- Mirror - For checking yourself out after your spa day!
- On-demand movies - Oh, boy.
- Refrigerator - Drinks!
- Seating area - Perfect for late-night chats with your friends.
- Shower - This is just what you get.
- Slipers - They better be soft!
- Smoke detector - Safety first, you're probably going to be on vacation.
- Sofa - Sit, relax, enjoy!
- Telephone - To make calls!
- Umbrella - Christmas rain?
- Visual alarm - Important.
The "Relax and Rejuvenate" Zone – (Let's Get Spa-tacular!)
This is where the "Magical" part really needs to kick in. Here's hoping they haven't skimped on the good stuff:
- Body scrub, Body wrap, Massage, Sauna, Spa/sauna, Steamroom - YES YES YES. All the things. Give me ALL the relaxation. I want to emerge from this like a new, slightly-less-stressed person.
- Fitness center, Gym/fitness - For those of you who want to work off the Christmas cookies. (Not me, though. I'll be in the spa.)
- Pool with view, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor] - A beautiful view is a bonus.
- Foot bath, - Never had this, but I am intrigued.
Food Glorious Food (and the Important Coffee Shop):
This is make-or-break, folks. A Christmas escape needs good food.
- Restaurants, A la carte in restaurant, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Bar, Breakfast [buffet], Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, International cuisine in restaurant, Poolside bar, Room service [24-hour], Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant - Okay, that's a lot. A good variety is welcome. My biggest hope is a really good Coffee shop. I need my caffeine fix, and it had better be quality stuff.
- Alternative meal arrangement, Bottle of water, Breakfast takeaway service, Buffet in restaurant, Essential condiments, Individually-wrapped food options, Kids meal, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, - All the important things.
Cleanliness and Safety – (Please be Safe, People!)
Okay, huge points to the Sandman if they’re taking this seriously. The world is what it is, and I need to feel safe.
- (Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hot water linen and laundry washing, Hygiene certification, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment) – This is all music to my ears.
- CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Fire extinguisher, First aid kit, Non-smoking rooms, Smoke alarms, Security [24-hour], - All of the safety features, including a Doctor/nurse on call - Okay, very good.
- Breakfast in room - I can't tell you how much I would appreciate that.
- Cashless payment service - Fantastic!
- Shared stationery removed - Thank goodness!
For the Kids and the Family (if you're into that sort of thing):
- Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal - Important if you are bringing the young ones.
Okay, the "Things to Do" Rundown (or, Are They Actually Providing Entertainment?):
This is where they can really shine. A Christmas escape needs more than just a room.
- Audio-visual equipment for special events, Indoor venue for special events, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Meetings, Seminars, Meeting/banquet facilities, Xerox/fax in business center, Gift/souvenir shop, Convenience store, Shrine, Proposal spot, Smoke alarms, Soundproof rooms, Couple's room, Hotel chain, Exterior corridor, Loudness, Noise, Security [24-hour], Car power charging station, Additional toilet, Air conditioning - Okay, it’s a lot of options. I really care about outdoor venues, and on-site events.
The Verdict (and the Sales Pitch!):
Look, I'm cautiously optimistic. The Sandman seems to have the right stuff – a decent list of amenities, a focus
Escape to Paradise: Daphne's Hampton Inn East Bay Awaits!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups. This isn't your perfectly polished, Pinterest-perfect itinerary. This is a vibe. This is me, trying to enjoy The Sandman in Santa Rosa, CA, and hoping I don't accidentally set off the fire alarm. (Spoiler alert: I probably will.)
The Sandman Santa Rosa Sonoma: A Messy, Wonderful Adventure (Probably)
Day 1: Arrival and the Glorious, Glorious (and Potentially Problematic) Pool
- 1:00 PM - Arrival (and immediately regretting that early flight): Alright, Santa Rosa! Let's do this. Hopefully the rental car isn't a lemon. (Please, please, please don't be a lemon.) The drive in from the airport felt longer than it should've, probably because I spent the whole time Googling “best burger in Santa Rosa”. Priorities, people.
- 1:30 PM - Check-in (and a potential wardrobe malfunction): Oh god, the front desk person looks like they love their job. (Is it too early to order a tequila sunrise?) Okay, deep breaths. Room key received. Luggage… ugh, did I really pack that much? Also, pretty sure I forgot to pack actual pants. Jeans it is, then.
- 2:00 PM - The Pool! (and the existential dread): The Sandman's pool. Legend has it, if you stare into the water long enough, you’ll see the reflection of your life choices. Oh, dear god. It's also really hot. Perfect for ignoring the crushing weight of adulting. I’m in. Swimsuit? Check. Sunscreen? Double-check. My crippling fear of looking stupid in a swimsuit? …Working on it. I'm pretty sure I saw a dude with a fanny pack around his neck. This is the future, folks. And I'm here for it.
- 3:00 PM - The Quest for the Perfect Burger (and a possibly illegal parking move): Okay, Google Maps is my BFF now. The Rusty Spoon. Apparently, it's the burger place. I'm starving. This is when I make my only mistake of the day, I accidentally parked illegally. I am now praying to whatever deity will listen that I don't end up with a parking ticket. This is fine. Everything is fine.
- 3:30 PM - BURGER TIME!!!: Oh. My. God. That burger… chef's kiss. Crispy fries? Check. Decadent patty? Check. Guilt? Also, check. Okay, I am not proud to say I ate the entire thing.
- 4:30 PM - Pool-side lounging, the art of doing nothing (and judging people): Back at the pool to digest. People watching is a sport, and I'm a gold medalist. There's a couple taking selfies every five seconds, and another couple who seems to be having a life-altering argument about the merits of pineapple on pizza. Bless their hearts.
- 6:00 PM - Freshening up (and the eternal struggle with hotel shampoo): The hotel shampoo always leaves my hair feeling like straw. Seriously, how hard is it to put out decent shampoo? Anyway, I'm going to pretend I'm a mermaid, so I'll just have to embrace the dryness and the frizz.
- 7:00 PM - Dinner at Spinster Sisters (trying to be classy): Okay, I love the name of the restaurant. I'm trying to be all grown up and sophisticated, but, ya know, I can barely navigate a menu without looking like a fool. The food was… good. Not burger-good, but good. The wine, however? Glorious.
- 8:30 PM - Stargazing (and the existential dread returns): The stars are beautiful here, something you can't normally see back in the city. This is where I let the thoughts just flow; the good, the bad, and the ugly. Maybe I'll ask for a refill of wine…
Day 2: Wine Country (and a potential wine-induced overshare)
- 8:00 AM - Breakfast (and the horrifying realization that I'm not a morning person): Free continental breakfast. Let the games begin. Cereal? Dry. Waffles? Soggy. Coffee? Lukewarm. My mood is already trending towards "hangry."
- 9:00 AM - Wine Tour Prep (and the eternal dilemma of what to wear): Damn, I'm not even a wine snob. Why do I suddenly care if I'm dressed up enough? And what are the rules of winery etiquette? Do I have to talk about "notes"? Probably.
- 10:00 AM - Wine Tasting, Chateau Montelena (and the beginning of blurred memories): The drive was beautiful. The winery? Stunning. First stop, Chateau Montelena. Okay, I'm not going to lie, I don't know anything about wine. But I'm determined to fake it 'til I make it. Sip. Swirl. Sniff. "Yes," I confidently say, "Intriguing notes of… things."
- 11:00 AM - Tasting #2 (and the inevitable giggling): Next winery, another swirl, another sniff, another "intriguing." I'm giggling more than I should. This is going to get messy, isn't it?
- 1:00 PM - Lunch Break (and a desperate plea for food): Lunch at Farmhouse Inn. Delicious food. Feeling a little tipsy. Maybe a lot tipsy.
- 2:00 PM - Tasting #3 (and the rapidly blurring details): More wine. Can't even remember the name of the winery. At this point, I'm convinced I'm an expert. Someone asks me a question, and I start rambling about the "terroir" and how "the soil really speaks to the wine." I'm a fraud. But a happy fraud.
- 4:00 PM - The Return (and the blurry aftermath): Back at the hotel. Head fuzzy. Trying to remember what I said to that sommelier. Regret? Maybe. Amusement? Definitely.
- 6:00 PM - Dinner (and the desperate need for pizza): Room service pizza. The best pizza in the world.
- 7:00 PM - Early Bedtime (and the promise to hydrate): I'm going to bed. Right now. And I'm setting an alarm for an entire bottle of water.
Day 3: Sonoma Adventures (and the bittersweet feeling of departure)
- 9:00 AM - Pancake Breakfast (and the realization that the world is not ending): Pancakes! With syrup! My mood has officially improved.
- 10:00 AM - Checking out (and the eternal struggle against procrastination): Check out. (I can't believe I stayed at this hotel).
- 11:00 AM - Shopping in the Sonoma Plaza (and spending more money than I should): Little shops and stores. I bought so many things. I wish I had more time to buy things!
- 1:00 PM - Burgers Again! (and the comforting familiarity of grease): Back to The Rusty Spoon for an encore performance of burger bliss. No regrets.
- 2:00 PM - Last visit to the pool (and the quiet sadness): One last dip in the pool. I'm going to miss this.
- 3:00 PM - Goodbye Santa Rosa (and the promise to return, someday): Heading to the airport. Reflecting, I actually had a fantastic time here. Not perfect, sure, but it was fun, memorable, and gave me that much-needed vacation I was looking for.
Post-Trip Thoughts:
- The Hair: Still dry.
- The Wine: Definitely going to be buying more of that wine.
- The Burger: Forever in my heart (and probably on my hips).
- The Sandman (and the memories): Not bad, not bad at all. I'd consider staying here again.
- Me: More than I needed.
Okay, fine, what *is* this, anyway? Like, what are we *actually* talking about here?
Alright, alright, settle down! Basically, we're doing an FAQ. You know, the friendly-neighborhood question and answer sesh, but... let's just say this one is a little less "corporate" and a lot more "me rambling after too much coffee." We're gonna cover... well, whatever comes to mind, I guess. Probably a mish-mash of stuff, from my weirdest life experiences to that one time I accidentally set the toaster on fire trying to make a Pop-Tart. (Don't judge. It was a rough Tuesday.)
Seriously though, what's *the point*? Like, what's the overarching theme, or are we just winging it?
The point? Hmm... good question! Honestly, there isn't a rigid "point." Think of it as a brain dump. I saw a squirrel once and my brain went to the weirdest places. So, maybe that’s the point. Maybe. I guess it's about answering questions honestly, even the embarrassing ones. Like, remember that time I got so nervous during a presentation that I started sweating, and then... ugh, never mind. Let's just say it wasn't pretty. And that's the beauty of this. It's real.
How did you get *into* whatever this is about? Was there like, a big moment? Or a slow burn?
Oh boy, this is a good one. It wasn't some grand, sweeping narrative. It was more like... a series of unfortunate, yet hilarious, events. I remember one time, I tried to bake a cake for my grandma's birthday. It was supposed to be her favorite - a rich chocolate fudge. I followed the recipe *exactly*. Or so I thought. Spoiler alert: the cake resembled a volcanic eruption more than a dessert. It was so dense you could probably build a small house with it. That was the moment I knew I was "in." And by "in," I mean firmly entrenched in a life of delicious, and sometimes disasterous, experiments. It's been a long time since.
Okay, let's get to the nitty-gritty. What are your biggest *regrets* in life? Don't hold back!
Regrets... oh, that's a fun one! (Said with a forced, slightly manic grin). Okay, deep breath. Right off the bat, I regret that haircut I got in the 8th grade. Seriously, what was I thinking? I also regret all the times I didn't say what I meant. The words just got caught in the back of my throat. And I *definitely* regret that time I didn't wear sunscreen. Ouch. The pain! But, in the end, you know, everything is a learning experience. A lesson learned! So, sure, there are regrets. But I try to learn from them. And avoid the sun like the plague now.
What's the most *difficult* thing you've ever had to deal with?
Man, life throws some curveballs, doesn't it? The hardest thing... hmm... I'd probably have to say it was... (I'm going to pause a moment, stare off into space for a few seconds)... Losing my favorite pair of socks. Just kidding, but it did hurt. No, actually, it was the time when... (and then a very long pause), ok, ok, the most difficult thing. Alright. It was a terrible experience, no doubt. But I'm not going to dwell on it.
On a lighter note: What's your *guilty pleasure*? Come on, everyone has one.
Oh, oh, I love this one! My guilty pleasure? Okay, be warned: it's bad. It's... (I lean in conspiratorially) ...reality TV. I know, I know! It's trashy. It's mindless. It's totally ridiculous. And I love it. I can get lost for hours watching people bicker over... well, I don't even know what they're bickering about half the time. The drama! The cattiness! The sheer absurdity! It's the best. Don't judge me!
If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?
Ooh, a superpower! This is a good one to break up the heavy topics. Let's see... I think I'd want the ability to teleport. Traffic? Gone. Awkward family gatherings? Poof, vanished! Plus, think of the vacation possibilities! Imagine waking up in Paris for breakfast, then popping over to the beach for lunch. The possibilities are endless! Plus, no more airport security lines. Sold. Forget flying, teleporting is the real superpower dream.
What's something that *always* makes you laugh?
Hmm... something that always makes me laugh... Probably when I see someone trip over something. (I know, I'm awful.) But seriously, watching people fall down - not in a hurting-themselves kind of way, mind you - just the sheer absurdity of it. I remember once, I saw a guy try to jump over a puddle, slip, and land flat on his face. The look on his face! Priceless. I felt terrible and laughed until I cried. It's not my best quality, I know, but I can't help it. It's the little moments, the unexpected pratfalls, that truly crack me up.
What advice would you give to your younger self?
Oh, this is a deep one. Okay, young me... listen up! You are going to mess up. A lot. Don't worry about it! But also, for the love of all that is holy, wear sunscreen! Seriously. And don't be afraid to be yourself, even if that self is a little weird, a little loud, and a little prone to burning things in the kitchen. Because those are the qualities that make you you. Don't change for anyone. And for the love of everything, buy that concert ticket when you see it. You'll regret it more than you think. Live a little. And eat the cake! Stay Finder Review
