Escape to Paradise: Occidental Tamarindo's All-Inclusive Luxury Awaits!
Escape to Paradise: Occidental Tamarindo - My Unfiltered Take (Brace Yourself!)
Alright, folks, buckle up! I've just emerged, blinking, from the glorious (and sometimes slightly chaotic) bubble that is the Occidental Tamarindo. They're calling it "Escape to Paradise," and frankly, the name is spot-on… most of the time. This isn't your stuffy, perfect-everything review. This is the real deal, warts and all, with all my messy opinions and awkward tangents.
First Impressions: Arrival and…the Ants!
Getting to the Occidental Tamarindo is a breeze. They have an airport transfer thingie (which I strongly recommend – more on that later). Rolling up to the hotel, you're hit with that tropical smell. You know the one. That mix of ocean salt, fragrant flowers, and…well, sometimes a hint of something else. It's paradise-adjacent, let's say.
The check-in process was smooth, though I did have a minor heart attack when I saw a tiny ant making a beeline for my luggage. I shrieked. The staff, bless their hearts, just chuckled. Apparently, the ants are just part of the Costa Rican experience. Shudders. Safety-wise, they definitely try hard. They've got a 24-hour front desk, security, and CCTV everywhere. Felt mostly safe, even with the occasional ant-based existential crisis.
Accessibility: A Mixed Bag (But They're Trying!)
Okay, let's talk access. Look, this isn’t a brand new hotel, so it’s not perfect, but they are making an effort. Elevators are a godsend (thank goodness, because my room was…well, high…more on that later). I saw ramps, and the rooms have facilities for disabled guests. Still, navigating some areas felt a tad challenging with a wheelchair. The pool area, specifically, could be improved.
Rooms: My Personal Oasis (With a View That Made Me Weep!)
My room? Oh. My. God. (Insert sound of actual weeping). I upgraded to a room with a view, and it was worth. Every. Single. Penny. Seriously, the ocean view was breathtaking. Picture this: waking up to the sun rising over the Pacific, turning that gorgeous view, and feeling instantly serene. The rooms were generally clean, the AC was a life-saver (hello, humidity!), and they had all the basics: coffee maker, mini-bar, safe, etc. I was really glad they had a decent-sized closet, because hey, I'm not packing light when I go to the beach.
The bed was comfy, the bathroom functional (albeit a little dated), and they did have a bathtub, which I personally love for a quick soak. The blackout curtains are amazing because you will sleep! A few tiny details were missing in my room, like a clock, but I didn't care. The view made me forget everything. There was also an irritating sound next door, just a faint, but they did offer to relocate me, but I didn't want to.
Wi-Fi: The Great Internet Saga
Free Wi-Fi? Yes! in all rooms, even! Internet speed? Let's just say it's… variable. Fine for emails and social media, but don't expect to stream HD movies without a fight. There's also LAN internet… I didn't bother. The beach was more tempting to me than sitting in my room looking at my laptop.
Dining: Food, Glorious Food (and the Occasional Hiccup)
Alright, let’s get to the good stuff: the food! This is an all-inclusive, so you're basically swimming in food. The buffet breakfasts are a marathon – so much choice! Pancakes, omelets, the works. I particularly loved the fresh fruit; it was just incredible. They had an excellent selection of all the food.
The restaurants? A mixed bag. The Asian cuisine was actually surprisingly good! Think fresh sushi and delicious noodles. I didn’t try their other food, but it looked delicious. The poolside bar? Essential. Happy hour? Even more essential. The snack bar was handy for a quick bite between swims. They even had a vegetarian restaurant, which I didn't try but was a great option to have.
The “safe dining setup” was definitely there. They had the standard stuff: sanitizing, individually-wrapped food options. It actually felt safe.
But…(and there’s always a but, isn’t there?)…the service in the restaurants could be a bit…slow. I'm talking "waiting for your coffee until you go gray" slow. And sometimes (gasp!) they'd get your order wrong. But hey, you're on vacation, right? Relax, have another cocktail, and let life happen!
Things to Do: Beach, Bliss, and Body Scrubs!
The beach is the star of the show. Stunning sand, crashing waves, and the perfect place to do absolutely nothing. They have the usual: swimming pool (outdoor), and the pool with a view.
They have spa…and it was amazing! Forget everything and just relax - you won't regret it.
I got a body scrub, and it was heavenly. Heavenly. I walked out of there feeling like a brand-new human being. If you do one thing while you're here, get a spa treatment. Do it!
There's a fitness center if you're into that kind of thing. I peeked in. Looked…gym-like. They also have a sauna, steam room, and a foot bath (which I didn't try, but now I'm regretting that decision). But you can also just relax…
Relaxation: Zen or Bust, Actually
Honestly, the whole place is conducive to relaxation. Find a beach chair, get comfy, read a book, listen to the waves. Perfecto. I swear I got more zen in a week there than I have in the last year.
Cleanliness and Safety: Making an Effort
Like I said before, they’re taking sanitization seriously. Lots of hand sanitizer everywhere, staff wearing masks, and they seemed to clean constantly. I felt pretty safe, overall. They're really doing their best in such a difficult area.
Services and Conveniences: Bits and Bobs
They have a ton of services: concierge, laundry, dry cleaning, business facilities, and a convenience store. They even have a gift shop for your impulse souvenir purchases. The doorman was super nice and always helpful.
For the Kids: Fun for the Little Ones
I don't have kids, but I observed it's really family-friendly. There's a kids' club and a babysitting service, so you can have some alone time.
Getting Around: Easy Peasy
Airport transfer? Absolutely. Car park free of charge? Yep. Taxi service? Available. You're pretty much covered.
The Quirky Truths
- The Monkeys! Keep an eye out for the howler monkeys. They're hilarious (when they're not waking you up at dawn with their guttural calls).
- The Stray Cats! They're everywhere. Mostly friendly. Be prepared to share your leftovers.
- The Cocktails! They're strong, and plentiful and delicious. Don't say I didn't warn you.
My Verdict: Would I Go Back?
Absolutely. Despite the minor hiccups (ants, slow service, questionable Wi-Fi), the Occidental Tamarindo is a fantastic escape. It's beautiful, relaxing, and the food/drink game is strong. I’d happily go back!
The Offer: Escape to Paradise – Book Now and Get [Insert a compelling offer, e.g., a free spa treatment, a room upgrade, or a discount on your stay].
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Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's meticulously planned vacation itinerary. This is the Occidental Tamarindo, Costa Rica, through my spectacularly flawed eyes. And believe me, it's gonna be a wild ride.
The "Occidental Tamarindo: Paradise (with a Heavy Dose of Reality) Itinerary"
Day 1: Arrival. Or, "Where's My Damn Rum Punch?"
- Morning (Well, Let's Be Honest, Afternoon): Landed in Liberia. Customs? A breeze. Actually, way too easy. Starting to think I forgot something crucial… like, I don't know, my ability to speak Spanish fluently. Quick shuttle ride to the resort.
- Arrival & Check-in: Stumbling out of the shuttle, I was hit by a wall of humidity and… a slightly overwhelming scent of chlorine. Not the "refreshing pool" chlorine, but the "industrial-strength cleaning products" chlorine. Found the lobby, and after a slight check-in snafu (turns out, "Smith" and "Smyth" sound surprisingly similar when you're half-deaf from the plane), I was issued a wristband. I swear it's already stuck to my skin, part of me now.
- The Room: Finally get to my room and it's… fine. Ocean view? Technically. More like "ocean glimpse between the palm trees and that ridiculously loud AC unit." Okay, adjusting, gotta love the challenge.
- Afternoon: Beach Exploration and the Rum Punch Quest: The beach! Tamarindo Beach. It's beautiful, the sunsets are phenomenal, I spent some time here taking photos and it was divine. But mostly, I was focused on the promise of rum punch. They were supposed to be served at the pool bar. That's where the real quest began. This bar? Like a battle arena, people were ruthless, grabbing drinks and taking over chairs with a ferocity that would make a lion blush. And the rum punch? Worth the struggle, I guess. But I wouldn't know for sure, because the first one was gone in about 4.4 seconds.
- Evening: Dinner and the Dreaded Buffet: Buffet. The word itself fills me with both anticipation and existential dread. So. Much. Food. So. Many. Choices. I swear, I walked the length of the buffet seven times before I finally committed. Good news: the grilled fish was actually delicious. Bad news: I may have developed a slight addiction to the tiny bowls of jello. Don't Judge me.
- Late Night: Passed out in my bed, dreaming of cocktails.
Day 2: Beach Shenanigans and the Great Snorkeling Disaster
- Morning: Woke up with the sun (a definite "good morning, world!") and headed straight for the shore. Spent the morning splashing in the waves, laughing with (mostly) strangers, and trying to perfect my "effortlessly cool beach bum" persona. Success rate: approximately 30%.
- The Pool: Decided to spend a few hours beside the pool. Met a very loud family on the pool, their kids were cute. I realized I am ready to have children.
- Afternoon: Snorkeling Adventure! Signed up for a snorkeling excursion. The boat ride was lovely, the ocean looked incredible, like the kind of water you just want to jump into immediately. The coral and fish looked so vibrant and beautiful! At least, that's what I imagine they looked like. Because, let's just say, my snorkeling skills resembled a drowning goldfish. Fogged goggles, difficulty breathing, a near-panic attack, and a whole lot of swallowing saltwater. Let's just say I spent more time underwater than in the water. The fish were unamused.
- Evening: More Buffet, More Jello, More Embarrassment: Back at the buffet. This time, I was braver. I tried the tacos. Slightly questionable. But the jello? Still perfect. Afterwards, took a walk around the resort and ended up at the lobby bar. Tried to order a drink in (attempted) Spanish. Failed miserably. Everyone laughed. I laughed too. Self-deprecating humor is a survival skill.
Day 3: Surfing, Sunburn, and the "Where's My Towel?" Mystery
- Morning: Surf's Up! (Well, Sort Of): Hired a local surf instructor. This was my attempt to become one with the ocean. Turns out, the ocean and I are in a very complicated relationship. He was patient, although I am now pretty sure he was laughing when I wasn't looking, because I fell. A LOT. I swear I swallowed more water than any fish. Spent most the morning tumbling around in the waves, looking less like a surfer and more like a beached walrus. The sunburn? Oh, the sunburn.
- Afternoon: Sunburn Recovery and the Towel Conspiracy Theory: Spent the afternoon applying copious amounts of aloe vera and wondering where my beach towel disappeared to. Seriously. The resort's towel situation is a mystery on par with the Bermuda Triangle. I'm starting to suspect a conspiracy. Someone's hoarding all the towels.
- Evening: One of the a la carte restaurants. This time, Italian. Had a decent meal and was able to keep my composure and manage to order without embarrassing myself too much with my very limited Spanish.
Day 4: Rest, Relaxation, and the Realization That I'm Never Leaving
- Morning: Okay, no surfing. No snorkeling. Just lying by the pool, reading a book, and enjoying the sun. Finally had a moment to just… breathe. Costa Rica sunshine. It does wonders.
- Afternoon: Explored the shops in town. Picked up some souvenirs for friends and family and realized that the vendors will try to charge you an awful lot of money, so be prepared to bargain. Also got myself a ridiculously oversized straw hat. Feeling like a local now.
- Evening: Farewell Dinner & Cocktail Bliss: My last night. Sad. Went to the best restaurant and got to enjoy a wonderful dinner. I think I'll have a great time here.
Day 5: Departure - AKA The "Goodbye, Paradise (and the Tiny Jello Bowls)"
- Morning: Woke up. Packed. Checked out. Had one last sad look at the ocean. One last rum punch.
- Departure: Headed back to the airport. Reflecting on this trip, realizing I just went through all of it. I loved the food, the people. I'm leaving with more than souvenirs - I'm leaving with memories.
- Goodbye, Costa Rica, I will be back.
Overall Impressions (aka The Ramblings):
- The Good: The beach, the sunsets, the general vibe of "pura vida." The people are incredibly friendly. The rum punch. Did I mention the rum punch?
- The Not-So-Good: The buffet (sometimes a blessing, sometimes a curse), the occasional towel shortage, and my complete lack of athletic ability.
- Would I go back? In a heartbeat. Even with the sunburn, the snorkeling disaster, and the questionable buffet food, it was an amazing trip.
So there you have it. My brutally honest, hilariously flawed, and ultimately loving account of my trip. Remember, travel isn't always perfect. But it's always an adventure. And sometimes, the imperfections are the best part. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to dream about rum punch. Pura Vida!
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Okay, so... WTF is this thing even *about*?
Alright, fine, I’ll lay it out. Look, the concept behind this is… well, let's just say I'm trying to keep things *vague* for now. It's kinda like... imagine a poorly written self-help book, but instead of actual advice, it's just me rambling. Think of it as a series of loosely connected... *things*. Probably. Don't get your hopes up. I haven't quite figured it out yet. And honestly? I'm kind of enjoying the ambiguity. Less pressure that way, ya know?
Is This, Like, Serious? Or... Comedy? Because honestly, I need a laugh right now.
Oh, honey, I *wish* I was funny on purpose. Look, I'm going for something... *human*. Messy. Hopefully with a dash of genuine, "I've been there" relatability. I crack myself up sometimes, usually when I'm sleep-deprived and staring at the ceiling at 3 AM. Don't hold me to it. My humor's a bit... *acquired taste*. Think burnt toast, but you can't stop eating it. Because you're starving.
Who Are *You*? Do I even need to know?
Me? Ugh, that's a rabbit hole I could disappear down for days. Okay, the short version: I'm a human. A slightly flawed, occasionally brilliant (in my opinion, at least) human. I have opinions. Strong ones, and I'm not afraid to share them (probably a fault, tbh). I also make a mean cup of coffee, which is probably the most important thing you need to know. You can call me... well, just call me whatever you want, I don’t really care. "The Voice of Reason" is not a suggestion, that is clearly *not* what I aim for. "The Rambler"? Maybe.
I'm Confused. This Doesn't Seem to Follow Any Kind of Structure. Is That... On Purpose?
Okay, okay, let me level with you. Remember that "poorly written self-help book" analogy? Yeah. Structure? We're... *experimenting* with structure. Think of it like modern art. Or abstract expressionism. Or, you know, maybe I just have a really short attention span. A bit of both, probably. I start with a plan, and then... well, shiny things distract me. And then I get on a tangent. And then I forget what I was talking about in the first place. It’s a wild ride, folks! But hey, life’s messy. That’s okay, right? (I hope so, because otherwise this is a disaster.)
What's the Biggest Flaw Here? Be Honest...
Okay, this is where I gotta be real with you. The biggest flaw, hands down? Me. My brain. The tendency to overthink *everything*. Look, I'm basically an open wound of neuroses and self-doubt. It's a *feature*, not a bug, I swear! Also, procrastination. Procrastination is a *major* flaw. I'm probably procrastinating right now, writing this… right now. And the fact that this is likely to change the moment I hit "publish".
Okay, But Seriously, Is There *Anything* Useful Here? I Need Something, Dammit!
Useful? Oh, honey, that's a tough one. If you're looking for practical advice, run. Run far, run fast. But... if you're looking for a little something to make you feel less alone in the chaos? Maybe. I mean, I *hope* so. I had this *thing* happen the other day… I'll spare you the details, but basically, the universe decided to deliver a massive helping of "epic fail" right to my doorstep. And you know what? I survived. I actually *laughed*. Eventually. And in that moment, the absurdity of it all felt... kind of freeing. So, maybe, just maybe, there's a smidge of something useful buried under all the rambling. Or maybe I'm just hallucinating from lack of caffeine.
Alright, Let's Get Down to Brass Tacks: What *Should* I Do With This?
Honestly? Don't know. Close the tab. Share this in your circle of friends and see if they have some thoughts. Show it to your cat and watch it give you a look of utter bewilderment. Maybe print it out, scrunch it up, and toss it in the bin. Read it at 3 AM when you can't sleep and feel that it is a kindred spirit in the late night struggle. I don't really care. Just... don't take it *too* seriously. And definitely don't base any life-altering decisions on it. I'm just some confused person typing on a screen.
How Often Will This... Whatever It Is... Be Updated?
Hahaha. Oh, bless your heart. You think I actually have a schedule? No. No, I do not. My writing speed is directly proportional to the amount of coffee I've consumed and inversely proportional to the number of distractions (cats, squirrels, existential dread). So... frequently? Infrequently? Don't hold your breath. I'll write when the Muse (or the need to procrastinate something *else*) strikes. Patience, young grasshopper. Or, you know, just forget about it and check back randomly. Your choice - I am not your mother.
This is All Over the Place! Are You Okay?
Define "okay". Look, I'm functioning. I feed myself. I haven't set the house on fire recently. I paid my bills (mostly). So, yeah, I *think* I'm okay. Mostly. Maybe. Don't worry about it. We all are, even if we don't seem like it. Besides, who wants "okay" anyway? "Okay" is boring. "Okay" is beige wallpaper. "All over the place" is where the *interesting* stuff happens. This could be the start of a beautiful friendship. Or not. Your callCoastal Inns
